When is the right time to get help from a Counsellor?
When you want to find relief
Pain is not anything any of us wants to feel. We may try to hide from it, run away from it, or mask it so that we may temporarily feel less of it. These only work for so long. In time, whatever is causing the pain rears its ugly head once more. If pain is ongoing or is severe, or if the other methods of dulling it down are causing problems of their own, we start to think about reaching out for help. Counselling can help us find other ways of dealing with whatever is causing us pain.
When you no longer want to be alone
We often withdraw when we feel down or ‘off’. It’s as if we want to go into a cave and hide sometimes! While breaks and rest are crucial, longer term isolation may become a depression trap. We may feel lonely, robbing ourselves of the very social engagement necessary to feel connected, supported and understood. Alone time allows space in which to stew and ruminate in negativity, thereby self-perpetuating our despair. In time, you may begin to see you need others for support and self-understanding. When you sense you need help, honour your intuition and know that you probably do.
When you want another perspective on things
Aloneness also disallows feedback such that our sometimes ‘stinky” thinking can trick us into believing there is no way out. Alternately, we can bounce our ideas off of other people, to find more positive and healthier ways of seeing things. Allowing ourselves to be with others allows for us to entertain other possibilities, to see we have options, and to develop a healthier, more well-rounded and informed perspective on how to best live. An experienced and well-credentialed Counsellor is someone who can help you know yourself better so that you can make the quality of choices necessary to live your best life.
When you want to try something different
People often first try solutions which work on the outside. For example, instead of solutions for ourselves, we sometimes try to change other people. This can result in a lot of wasted time and effort and generates more negativity within ourselves and in our relationships. Another solution that often only has temporary success is the geographical cure. Moving from one bad situation into another, that unfortunately, often ends up feeling not so good as it first appeared. When a person sees their attempts are not working they may become more open to looking at different possible changes. Counselling can help you find new solutions that you may not have thought of.
When you no longer want to feel stuck
If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, while expecting different results, I wonder if the experience of pain and hopelessness may be defined by—Doing the same thing over and over, while expecting things NEVER to change? How ironic, that by not changing our usual ways, our lives never change, and our hopelessness and pain remain stuck.
The good thing about bringing this to conscious awareness, is that the solution becomes clearer. We have to change in order to regain hope and to become freer from pain, but we must also see that our hopelessness stems from our expectations of ongoing pain. Our expectations that things can not change becomes our self-fulfilling prophecy; We remove our own motivation to take whatever steps necessary to make things better for ourselves. But we have a choice in this. May you choose what is right for you based on the life you want to live.
Grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I can not change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference